As I write this, it is a little after midnight and all is quiet. There is a caregiver watching Marty, so I am able to lie in bed and catch up before I nod off to sleep.
Marty had a very quiet day, which means he had a chance for some well deserved down time and rest. He was happy to get a soothing warm "bath" and we washed his hair with good quality shampoo. We used french milled mild lavender soap, and he felt relaxed and comforted by it. After that I gave him his favorite magazine, "American Cinematographer" and we both sat quietly and read together side by side. It was delightful and felt wonderful to do something that we did often before this all began, a small return to normal activity.
Last weekend the kids and grandkids came by to decorate the tree. It was bittersweet for me...The ornaments from years past, brought tears to my eyes as I remembered the times we would decorate the tree together and reminisce over each special ornament, like the one from our first Christmas together, and the beautiful one that looks like the church where we were married. He was having a hard day that day so he wasn't really able to enjoy it as we hoped he would. He was in pain and not much brought a smile to him even though we tried.
The next morning we sat on the couch and read the newspaper and had coffee together as a family. He was snoozing in this photo..
The tree is lovely and the next day he was able to enjoy it and since then he has looked at it and smiled many times and said, "It's beautiful". We leave the lights on at night as we always have in years past. So he sleeps with the glow of the Christmas tree a few feet from his bed.
Marty's daughter Chis gave him a shave and he looks like a new man!
I am learning how critical it is to keep visits appropriate to his energy level. People and activities can tire him easily, especially if he is having a "not so good" day. Our caseworker says it's crucial that I keep the communication of his needs front and center. I knew that but it was really nice to hear it from her and feel I have "permission" to do that. And she told me that not only do I have permission but she has given me those marching orders. For Marty's sake as well as mine. It's not easy being a "gatekeeper" of sorts but it's crucial to his healing since he can't really speak for himself. Marty and I have discussed it and are working it out, he says he is depending on me to help communicate his wishes to people.
We want the visits to continue as it's healing for him to feel the love, it's just that if it's getting to be tiring for him, then he and I are working out signals so I can let people know when it's time for him to rest instead of engage. His caseworker says that we are both still recovering and Marty is still fragile, she is instructing me in how to set a few rules to live by.
So PLEASE continue to schedule some visits, just know that in the middle of a visit if he signals he needs rest then we might have to let him have that quiet time again.
Marty is learning to use his walker, regaining his balance and strength. He will most likely go out in his chair again tomorrow to sit in the sun. The doctor will come by and I look forward to her assessment. His caseworker was really surprised and happy at how well he is doing. So dear ones thank you for all your prayers, food, calls, cards and love. keep it up...
It's WORKING!
Many blessings,
Ginny Collins
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